Lukewarm


Dear C,

You said

instead of trying to hang on to something where I could not deliver, I took the easy way out”

You left me alone without saying a word, and wanted to sum it up in a single line after seven months?

I knew you are not the person who delivers. I knew this from the very beginning. I knew that if I chose to be with you, I have to be the one who delivers. People are either drivers or passengers and you are the later my dear, and I! knew it all this time!

I was not waiting for you to deliver. I was waiting for you to be the one who you actually are; and I could have mend my way around you. I was waiting for you, the person I was happy with and wanted to be happy- driving around with. I still am.

All the work pressures you had, was I not adult enough to know that several months ago? Was I not accommodating to know that you are not going through a good time, that you need time for yourself? I told you, time and again, I won’t give up. Did I really need to use telepathic communication? You could have called me once!

I don’t throw away things because they are broken, I pick them up and mend them. I know, things have gone beyond reconciliation, but I haven’t given up on you; not until you say you have given up on me.

My ego asks me not to write it down for you or to even ask, but you know what, my ego isn’t going to see me through my life. Five years from now, I don’t want to feel “why didn’t I tell him? why didn’t I ask him once? what if I did? or how different could things have been?”. I can’t live with regrets, I don’t understand grey, I can’t let good things go away.

People who love you, never leave you, no matter how much you hurt them. Even from a distance, they’ll always watch out for you. And a very intelligent person named Roald Dahl told us kids,

If you want something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed, embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good.”


Is there any hope left for us?

Yours,

P

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